The following post contains strong language. It is intended to be tounge-in-cheek and not to be taken seriously. Geez.
Taking the bus everyday sucks. Really, it does. I mean, if you ever want to see people packed into a moving can like sardines, take the bus. It is, however, a unique venture into what makes people tick.
I am normally the last person anyone wants to sit beside on the bus. Why, I have no freaking clue. Am I really that freaking ugly? I mean, common. I dress clean, I am clean, I smell good (compared to you other people on the bus), and I smile. What.. the... fuck. So what if my shoulders span one and a half seats. It's not my fault the damn bus makers used a small child for measurements. Seriously, when I ask your pregnant ass if you want a seat, you should say "yes please" instead of looking at me like a deer caught in the headlights. You can understand English, because I heard you bitching while we were waiting for the shitmobile to your bus friend about your dead beat husband. By the way, if he's that much of an asshole, you shouldn't of got yourself pregnant again. That's of course if he is the father. Maybe the last guy that gave up a seat for you knocked you up. Ah, that's what scares you, first I give up my seat, the next thing you know we are bumping uglies. Dear, you're not that hot.
There are also the people who figure that they can take up a seat with their knapsacks, laptop bags, change purses, empty shopping bags, store flyers, what have you. Hey, fuck nut, did you pay an extra fare for your imaginary friend there? I didn't think so. So move that chicken leg off the seat before I decide to break it. Just because Miss Piggy can't fit her ass between the ends of the bus doesn't mean that someone else can not sit down beside you. And while you are at it, quit drooling on yourself. If you have to use the bus to catch up on your sleep maybe you should go to bed earlier.
The rest of you should fucking smile once in a while. Would it hurt you that much not to look so damn depressed all the time? You people make the best part of taking transit getting off. We're all in this together people; we do it 2 times a day. Just because someone speaks (me) doesn't mean he wants to hurt you. I don't eat kids. Why are you praying to Jesus when I walk by? As much as I like lap dances, I am not waving $20's when I look at you am I?
And you over there quit complaining. As much as I would love to have an intellectual conversation with you about how long it's taking people to pay for a fare, find a seat, whatever you are babbling about, I don't think I could respond to your one word sentences long enough to keep it going. So shut the fuck up already. We all feel the same way you do, but some of us have the decency to be quiet about it. If you're so much better than everyone else, get the hell off the bus.
Hrm, maybe when people look at me they see all this coming through my eyes, and that's why they are not friendly? Nah, Iâm always smiling and trying to make conversation. So it must be that they have been so desensitised to human interaction.
That must be it.